I am Fabian, the journey to my authentic self has been liberating. Growing up we don’t know where we are going but we all are working to get there. As a child, I wanted the best for myself. I wanted to be a rockstar, travel the world & experience life. I knew that there was much more than I saw before my very eyes. What I didn’t quite understand was how I was going to get there. I didn’t necessarily realize I was female or male, I just was me. I identified with my male cousins. I was mores, very two-spirited. I was introduced to gender at the age of 6-years-old when I was made aware that I was not a boy.
Growing up in a religious home who I truly was, was not acceptable. I could not openly express myself or ask questions because I was taught it was not God’s will of who I was nor was homosexuality at all accepted in my home. This caused me to grow more and more distant to my family and I spent a lot of time in my room at home. There, I was in my own world, would try on different clothes that I wanted to wear and daydream about my high school crush, and what I would have said to her if I were a boy. Transitioning was the last thing that I would have thought possible at this time in my life. I heard of transgender women, but I did not know there were transgender men. I had never seen nor heard of one.
I graduated high school and things at home weren’t too great. I made the Dean’s honor roll at a 4.0 and even gotten scholarships toward furthering my studies, with me coming into myself it caused trouble in the household. I had moved out but before the next semester I moved back home when I got my very first girlfriend. I was afraid of my Mom finding out. For sometime, she did not even know that I was seeing anyone. My first love, I had never even dated before her. When my family found out, I was called disgusting. I was told that was unnatural and had no support or compassion for understanding. So, shorty after I moved out into my own place. I had means to support myself and live on my own, I just missed my family and I wanted to be around them. They would not accept me for who I was, the only way I could be around them is not be myself and I couldn’t do it anymore.
In 2008 my girlfriend sat down with me and we began looking at youtube video’s and she told me, “you are not a woman, you are a man. You are trans.” I will never forget that, and we watched some of the stories and channels of other transmen that were sharing their progress and everything that I had put in the back of my mind rushed across my thoughts like a river. I was so happy that I indeed cried, I was so happy that she saw me for who I was and that she wanted me to be who I was. Even then it seemed like something that could be impossible to achieve. Insurance didn’t cover and $9,000 seemed like something that would be impossible for me working and school full-time and $1300 in bills a month. I didn’t know how, but I knew that one day I would start HRT, that I would have top surgery and that I would have the body inside in out that I always had seen myself in. That’s where my journey began, and I will always thank her for that.
In pursuit of becoming my authentic self, I ran into many obstacles and one being homelessness. I had family but I didn’t feel like I could go home, I wouldn’t even reach out for help, when I did I was looked down on. Like I was nothing. I just figured it out and got back on my feet, and when I did I was great. In between transition starting HRT was hard, even in a state where there was a no discrimination policy, there was in fact that. I ran into this quite often. This affected my dysphoria and depression. I had felt defeated and I wanted to give up, and then I thought to myself, if I worked for myself I wouldn’t run into the things that I did and I could create jobs for trans and nonbinary. I knew that I could start something that could change this pattern that leaves so many like me in the same or worse position. Discrimination, is one of the harshest things that employers could allow to happen in the workplace. With the new inclusion policies even, if they are not practiced or a person does not know their rights what change can be brought about. Especially in the South, inclusion is not going to happen overnight. It is a process, it requires training and it requires accountability therein after.
With everything named and unnamed, my passion has pulled me through a lot of the hardest timed in my life. Where I thought there was no way out everything has just been fuel to move forward. Though there was some negative things that have happened music, and art in general gave me the gateway I needed to transpose the anarchy in my life into something beautiful. I am now the proud business owner of IMAN MARC LIVE LLC, IMAN MARC Fashion and Music Producer as well as recording artist known as Graffitti Notez SP. I am moving in strides on the business forefront as well as seeing my dreams become a reality into creating all inclusive space for us all in the entertainment and music industry. I want to give opportunities to those that had none before, I want to see creative people thrive at what they do and this is the way that I know I can contribute to the change the world needs to see for TGNC people. We have been here in the past, we are here in the present & we will be here in the future.
Equality is an ongoing evolution of shaping the world to be righteous toward all living things. Humanity has know specifications, it just is and when we all realize that we all have been here then and there we can progress and work together to create greater things for ourselves and this planet that we all call home.